Silent Times

Friday, 24 February 2017

Silent Times

Silent Times ©

By Michael Casey

Looking at the calendar on the wall I see it was Sunday 19^th when I last wrote anything, so you have all had 4 days rest from me. That’s if you are not Polish, what, Polish I said, I was in the Polish shop buying Coca Cola for my small daughter and I thought why not upload a Polish translation of Still Alive 2015.

After I did for some strange reason I had an avalanche of viewers, 3000+ in under 3 days, and still growing by the hour. So am I big in Poland, or are they all being misdirected, assuming I am a porn site, or do I look so stupid in the clothed photos of myself that they are all looking at me and laughing. Whatever the reason if you are Polish and reading this, in English, then please contact your Media and maybe just maybe I get my break, in Poland.

I’ve been quite quiet because I’ve been painting and then resting and gasping for breath after the paint fumes. Quit, quiet and quite are easy words to mix up whether or weather you are English or Polish for that matter. That’s why speaking is always so much easier that writing. And that’s why you love to hide at the back of the class in English lessons, I know all the tricks in one of my past lives I was an ESOL English teacher, and I’m not including teaching my own Shanghai wife.

I hope you all enjoyed your rest from me, I’ve been busy cleaning the paint off my fingers and the side of my head. I did plan to bribe my daughters and get them to do more painting but I ended up doing it myself, and they still got all the chocolate. When the painting was done we had a day of Silence, no it wasn’t planned as if we became Trappists or isn’t that the new planet Nasa just found, it just happened. If you don’t have your music on you see things differently.

Music is nice company, and can actually act as a focus while you are busy at work, but the lack of it when you actually have Silence, pure silence works its wonder on you too. Right now our new neighbour is having brightly coloured flagstones fitted to the outside of his new home. He already had a bright new front door fitted. He is admiring it as I speak, so I could say his doorstep is breaking all the silence because it is so loud in its colour, it is a statement about his home and his personality. 

Spending over 500pounds to show off your personality, I’d rather go on a dirty weekend with a girlfriend, or fill the fridge with really really nice food and drink, but he is far far richer that I’ll ever be.

I won’t make him cry by telling him that in under 18 months his bright colours will fade to dirty black. A neighbour of ours once had a new front wall and it was so nice and pretty that the other neighbours copied it, in the end the builder built 6 walls exactly the same. He then no doubt went to Spain for a month.

However in a couple of years’ time all 6 of these walls faded and looked cheap. So think about keeping your old traditional walls, and have a new window instead, be practical. In Birmingham the council builds new walls for people when really they should give a new window instead, but walls are politically prettier.

Silence is used in prayer, though one priest or Rabi on the radio once honestly admitted his thoughts would stray to had he done all his laundry or had he told his housekeeper to get his favourite brand of cereals from Aldi or wherever. Are you allowed to jump up from your prayer and run down the drive after the housekeeper to remind her to get you some new razor blades and some magnum ice creams the Aldi version.

You may wonder am I ever silent, in fact I am silent all the time, home alone while my wife works and the girls are at school, so Silence is my middle name, and if you read any of my stuff you know what I’ll say next. I must put Simon and Garfunkel on, the Sound of Silence. No, I’m not that shallow, first a bathroom break then a drink, strange the order of things, and then I’ll put Simon and Garfunkel on.

I’ve resisted the temptation of putting Simon and Garfunkel on, outside a police car races by with his siren blaring, the police breaking the silence, and no its not Sting making any noise either. Temptation is another thing, at this point in my life I give in to all temptation, as I may be dead and buried and not able to enjoy any. What kind of temptation, that I cannot say, as I’ve taken a vow of silence on all such matters.

As you grow old you and your wife or girlfriend make less noise, you are happy to hold hands and watch the property makeover programmes on tv. In the past you used to makeover in each and all of the rooms of your home, but as the decades pass you settle down to a routine, and you end up holding hands.

Such is love and then you don’t break any silence you are just so happy together. You love each other and just being silent together is enough. That is until a grandchild accidentally leaves a copy of 5 Shades of Michael Casey behind. Then you make lots of noise and laugher and are found naked and dead in position 17 from the Sex of Laughter, which is another book I haven’t yet written. All the Silence is broken in the Rest Home, and all the relatives are ashamed, but the residents all want copies of these books.

I’ll finish there for today, as you all know by now I like to throw in a paragraph or two just to see are you listening, and if I’m doing my job right, then my words ALWAYS BREAK THE SOUND OF SILENCE, even if is a rasping fart, that leaves a very big stink, but I do hope you are all laughing.