Premium Rate

Premium Rate ©

By Michael Casey

What exactly is Premium Rate? Well immediately you may think of those naughty phone calls where nubile women talk breathlessly to you. They are in fact a group of Senior Citizens making a few quid by pretending to be young nubile young women, and suckers are ringing them on Premium Rate phone lines. I’ve just remembered about a guy called Colin or was it Tony who  used these phone lines and the works phone bill went through the roof, Tony or was it Colin was later sacked. 

I also remember 2 other things about him, this was 30 years ago maybe, but I’ll leave those rest in peace. We had a whole range of characters work with us, I have not used any or many as source code for stories, or should it be sauce, what went on outside the computer room I did not care about.

Now why am I talking about Premium Rate? Well my newspaper, The Daily Telegraph has put up a partial paywall. It’s called Premium Rate, it’s like going through a curtain, a fly curtain at the back of the barbers to a whole new world of delights. Or like in the Man From Uncle, you go into a fitting room and pull down the hook, there you enter a whole new world.

In the case of the Daily Telegraph you start reading a story, Tim Stanley, Dr of History he is, and you are about to get to the meat when the plate is pulled from you, your chin dripping with gravy. If you want to read any more you have to pay to be on Premium. It’s like the old electric meters where you have to put a shilling in, the lights have gone out just as you have climbed into the bath. So to continue your bath with Tim Stanley you have to put a shilling in the meter, or rather join Telegraph Premium crowd. Is it worth joining Premium on the DT, and have Tim Stanley hog the hot end of the bath and use all your bubble bath? I don’t know I haven’t joined yet.

It’s like being on the settee and you and your girlfriend are getting excited, when her granny come in and sits down and says, don’t mind me. So you have to wait till she falls asleep before you and you girl can get all busy and hot.  Then your mum comes in with tea and biscuits, to keep your strength up, and aren’t custard creams from Aldi so nice. At least grannie does not wake up.

Premium rates interrupt the flow, your mojo can’t get in the groove with all the interruptions, I know  the Daily Telegraph will say why not just pay and then you’ll be in the groove all the time, just you and your girlfriend, no interruptions for a sleeping granny nor custard creams. You know it makes sense go Premium with the DT, hang on what’s that screaming,  its Tim Stanley he’s got his big toe stuck up the hot tap again, Boris was never this much trouble.