Baubles for Children ©By Michael Casey
Well I’ve really enjoyed watching the
Politics here in England, in another life maybe I’d be a Political Journalist,
my wife’s uncle was a Political Editor, anyway I’ll not bore you too much with
Politics. Though I will say I AM the Birmingham Boris Johnson. The other
comparison doing the rounds is where Prince Hal from Henry IV Parts One and Two
becomes a true King in Henry V and that’s how Boris will emerge, I hope it’s
true as the country needs to show its balls now. If it does work out, it really
could be a renaissance for us all. I actually studied Henry IV Part One 40
years ago as part of my English Literature exam.
Now to today’s theme, baubles for children,
teachers are really wicked when it comes to children. Yes this is such an
important job, I want you to collect up all the pencils and put them in the
pencil box, it’s such an important job, and don’t forget to put the lid on or
the pencils will try to escape. Oh Cameron, you are such a clever little boy,
one day you’ll be Prime Minister, you dad Tarquin would be so proud of you. And
how is his new milk round going, he has a new float and its even faster than
the old one, and now he sells potatoes and bread too, not just milk. Cameron
you know you are my favourite, but don’t tell the rest of the class.
George, George can you stop shaking the
moneybox, we are saving that money to send to poor people, I know you were only
trying to guess how much money there was by the sound. What, you want to be a drummer when you grow
up, and you could use the money box as a groovy sound thing. You are such a
clever boy George, I should introduce you to my cousin Ringo, he’s in a band
called Worms, or some other insect. He can give you advice on how to make lots
of noise. Yes you could fill the dustbin full of coca cola bottles and then
roll it around the playground. And you’d
charge the rest of the school a penny a go, or they could pay in sweets. George
you are such a clever boy, one day you’ll be a payday loan person, or a bailiff
if you drank all your milk and ate your free school dinners. Look how big Clegg
is now, I know he steals the slops and drinks all the dregs of milk. But he
says it’s a liberal thing to do, and he is saving the environment, though it
does make him fart fire. One day Cleg will be a central heating engineer, he
told me so, it’s nice to have an ambition.
Now Theresa can you collect up all the
needles and pins and the safety scissors, you are such a clever girl, always
praying. Can you stop gluing sequins to your shoes, I don’t think it’s
fashionable at all. And what did you do to the toy leopard, you glued him to
your wellies. Theresa you are such a naughty girl, but I do like your
inventiveness, you can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. What? One day
you’ll be Prime Minister, and you’ll need to make silk purses from sows’ ears.
Where did all these flowers come from?
What for me, you are all such kind children, I don’t deserve you. I think of
you as my own children, I never married you know, I did have offers, plenty,
well two, but it was just a flash in the pan. These flowers are just so lovely,
where did they come from? You stole them from the cemetery behind the school
playing field. You didn’t get them from the cemetery, where did you get them
from Michael Casey, your aunty broke up from her boyfriend, and he sent loads
of flowers to say sorry, but your aunty said you could have them. Because she
has another bloke now, a big Polish lad from the chip shop.
I suppose I may as well keep all these
flowers.
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