Just add Water

Just add Water ©

By Michael Casey

I was walking up the road to Aldi, wondering how many yards I’d do before I’d start to limp, I have another Arthritis pain relief injection on Monday. Anyway a truck came sailing down the road with a portaloo strapped to the back, it made me smile. Imagine there was somebody inside doing his business, perhaps it’s a ring and poo service, like the ring and ride bus service. Or it’s  an on demand service, just put your hand out and spend a penny.

In the old days it was a penny, a big old copper penny bigger and thinner than the current 2p, if you excuse the pun. My mum was on holiday and needed a penny to pee, so she was asking for change, so a man gave her a penny, it had Boodica on it I seem to remember, anyway he gave mum a penny and said “have one on me.” That must be 45 years ago now.

The title of today’s piece or perhaps I should say pi**, if we go with the theme, is because I was thinking about how stories are dreampt up. As I said 20 minutes ago I was on my way to Aldi and I saw the portaloo. Now I see the potential humour straight away, I hope everybody does, it’s just that I see things differently and not because of weak kidneys either. It’s because of my Writer’s Eye.

So that means I improvise when I see things, my daughter says already that I’m great at improvising in general, I did work in a hotel for 3 years and 20 plus years in computer rooms. So you see a situation, and then you just add inspiration, hence the water in the title. You are putting rubbish in your recycle bin and you break up a cardboard box so you can fit more in, then you think this piece of rubbish would work as a doorstop.

Most people just throw all their rubbish in, with recycling before recycling, but if you have young kids in your house you have loads of rubbish so you really do have to squeeze all your rubbish in. No, I don’t climb in and stamp on in all, with my weight the thing would break, though it would present my wife with great opportunities to sit on top and trap me inside.

A child’s imagination is a great thing, especially if they have a dolls’ house, I know my smallest daughter often climbs into the dolls’ house, I should show her the film “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” she’d love it. Simple things please a child, but they also present opportunities for comedy too.

There is the telegraphed joke, which Americans like the best and there is the more elaborate joke. Life presents things to us, it doesn’t take much to turn them into humour. Today the Queen launched a new boat, the dignitary said to her, while still on mike “such a small bottle of Whisky on such a big ship.”

As for Alec Salmond, he had tears in his eyes, such a great waste of a bottle of whisky, if it were champagne he would not have minded. Ok Alec, that’s a joke as seen through a humour writer’s eyes here in Birmingham, but, if you do read this my priest loves a wee dram it takes the mind off his aches & pains. I do have another friend who loves golf, any chance you can get him a free round at Saint Andrews?

These are just simple quick examples from today 4^th July 2014. I have to do  the school run now, my 10 year old daughter is waiting for me.  Thank God, I hear you all say, sometimes I think I’m talking to myself, but I do want to be on the radio, so then that would be true.