Things that go bump in the night

Things that go bump in the night©

By

Michael Casey

D-day 6^th June 2014 commemoration was very emotional, probably the last one, the lads are so old now. 30 years ago I happened to be in Normandy, 1984, so I was able to see the parades and so forth. So that’s the time line. Max Hastings wrote a great piece about it all, so I won’t even try to comment today.

So what am I going to bore you all with tonight? Well I’m going to talk about things that go bump in the night. We had great weather over 6^th June, this percolated thunder and lightning. Before the thunder and lightning arrived there was a big crash and a big boom.

I awoke to discover my bed had broken in two, and no nothing to do with flatulence, my bed had collapsed beneath me, or rather one side of the bed had snapped in two. I had a new bed nearly 3 years ago, and there was a tiny crack in it, but I’d built the bed in 90mins so I was not going to un-build it. Everything would be ok, I was a bloke so I would not send it back.

The thing about cracks is that they spread, and over time if you toss and turn in your sleep as I do, and you weigh as much as me, what will happen, you awake with a bang in the night.

So that bang in the night set off a whole train of events, firstly I had to prop up my bed so I could finish my night’s sleep. Luckily I had an old plastic sack full of family photo albums, from 30 years ago and less just behind my bed. So I used them to prop up the bed for the remainder of the night.

Then an hour or so later the rumbling and the tumbling and lightning began. I can confirm Nature made more noise that my breaking bed.

Though I have to confess this is the 3^rd bed I’ve broken. The first breakage happened 8 years ago as I tripped over the duvet as I put my daughters to bed, so my full weight came down and destroyed the bed. Then when  I retired my old original bed after 20years of service, so I thought I’d try a silver coloured metal bed. However with my weight the bed did the splits, so I used the photo albums to keep the bed up. When I decided to replace it I put the splits metal bed outside the house, where we have “Sky Burial” it was soon picked up by a passing welder who was very happy with his treasure.

So I decided to get a really posh Lecco bed, that was nearly 3 years ago. It was really nice, and I am good at bed jigsaws. So in an hour I had a posh and very sturdy and heavy new bed. It did have a tiny crack in it, but I thought all would be well. I liked the Lecco so much that when my daughter wanted a new bed I got her the single bed version.

Then the bump in the night, 7^th June 2.40am, things have changed since I last put a bed together. Arthur my arthritis has arrived. First of all I decided to dismantle the Lecco, and so have the room ready for a replacement bed. You can do physical things, but afterwards you pay a price for it, your body makes you pay the pound of flesh.

So what do you do with your broken old bed? Well the header and footer as they are called, look like an old fashioned farm gate. Then there was a gap in our garden fence, so with a bit of ingenuity I had improved the fence, thanks to a recycled bed.

So I went and had a look at beds in my local store, I wanted a really strong one obviously. However the price of a good one looked too high. So I had a look online, picking one from Argos for a finish.

I slept with the mattress on the floor for 2 nights, until today the new bed arrived. I nearly forgot that my daughter decided to decorate my room while I making a fence in the garden with the recycled bed parts.

We had a bit of paint left over too, so we splashed a bit of paint here and a bit of paint there. So my room was now all tarted up. Though it’s like working in slow motion really. The room does look 10 times better now.

 As for the door with drawings scrawled all over it from when the girls were younger, I decided to keep that. If ever they become famous artists I will sell that door and buy a new house with the proceeds.

The new bed arrived and it was huge, one section would not go up the stairs, I had to use a box cutter to remove all the packaging before I could get the bed parts up the stairs. I was all grunts and groans as I got the parts upstairs. Everything seems to take longer now, it took hours to construct my bed. I had to have a rest too, though it was a hot day as well.

Today was inoculation day for my daughters, ready to see grannie in Shanghai, so when they returned the could see the results of my labours. They complained that their arms hurt, I replied that at least they have some idea of what Arthur does to my hips and back and a variety of other places.

As for the bed it really does look the bees knees, very posh like a hotel bed, so I’m exhausted and pleased. So that’s today’s story, and the proof will be in the sleeping, Nite Nite Everybody.