The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

Wednesday, 15 May 2024

Playing a Round with Donald Trump

michaelgcasey15/05/2024UncategorizedEdit

Playing a Round with Donald Trump ©

Michael Casey

Well it had to happen, Donald had swept in and offered Cake for Everybody, then he disappeared and I got no cake. Let them Eat Cake, was what that French Lady said, and look what happened to her. It was not TOP SECRET it was all over tv, after Donald was counted out 37 times, which is a bit like that French film from the 60s. Film buffs go check it out.

So, I said to Rodger who knew all about swings, you should challenge him. Rodger declined gracefully, he had to wash the CPNEC van after all. Then I thought you know what I’ll challenge the Old Fraud myself, though all I know is that golfers have dimples on their balls. I was going to ring a lady and ask does Donald have dimples on his, only she said she’d signed a non-disclosure agreement.

Donald replied in crayon, a note pushed through my letter box, wrapped in a red baseball hat, used, it had strands on his hair in it. I was going to have it DNA tested, my friend Carol works down the Path Lab. When Carol is not testing my Pee for Ckd he has a side-line of Paternity testing.

I send an email to the Chinese email address inside Donald’s baseball cap, and they would pass on my reply. Yes, Donald would battle my stand-in as I cannot get around a lot what with all my illnesses. Little did he know, who would swing for me, only my man from the Pharmacy. Mr Pharma Man himself.

Donald sent a plane to pick up my man, and when he arrived Donald Trump mocked him openly. Just wait till wants something for the weekend, no Pharmacy in the whole of the UK would welcome him.

Donald teed off, Pharma Man waited then with one almighty stroke a Hole in One. Then while Donald had a few strokes to finish the first hole, Pharmacy Man was on the phone discussing piles and how to threat them, Donald being so close gave Pharmacy Man a few ideas on Pile Drivers.

Donald smiled, beginner’s luck, I built this course. Pharmacy Man, put his phone back again, as Donald hit the ball with all his might, it actually landed on the green. Though Donald fell over all red faced, and the Secret Service had to give him Oxygen. Pharmacy Man moon walked backwards, and spun around in slow motion, and hit a 2nd Hole in One. Then took his phone out to discuss laxatives, as Donald got up and took four more stokes to get in it the hole.

Donald was livid by now, just who are you. I’m the Pharmacy Man said the Pharmacy Man showing Donald a picture of himself and his Lady Wife standing behind the counter of his Corner Pharmacy shop opposite the Pub and the Building Society and by the Electrical store. The Pharmacy man smiled, he may be small in stature but as far as Pharmacy was concerned he knew it all. His Golf was not too bad either as he had played every golf course in the whole of Ireland and a good few in England. 30 years plus experience, of Pharmacy and swinging his golf club.

Donald strode to the 3rd tee, the Pharmacy man reaching into his golf bag and brought out a flask of tea, Indian of course. Plus, a sandwich, all the time consulting on the phone had made him peckish. Donald gripped his club and swung it, missed the ball and brought up a clump of earth. The Pharmacy Man smiled knowingly, I can recommend Eye Drops, that might help you. Donald took 7 shots to get it in the hole, and yes the Pharmacy Man did it in one, another Hole in One.

At the fourth Donald was red faced and livid, just tell me, who the&&&& are you really? I’m the Pharmacy Man, replied the Pharmacy man smiling with a twinkle in his eye. The Pharmacy man was on his phone again, organising a Charity Event, and would Donald like to donate a set of clubs, as clearly he was not having any luck with those one. Donald swung, and fell over backwards into a bunker, 8 shots for that hole. The Pharmacy man, another hole in one.

At the 5th Donald offered 1000dollars if the Pharmacy Man would take two shots, but the Pharmacy Man replied, INTEGRITY cannot be bought, as he moon walked backwards and hit a 5th Hole in One. Donald screamed YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS

And attacked the ball, he got it in two. So at least his shots were better, though the Pharmacy man did say, there’s a Lady I know who could help you with your Anger Management, she’s 82 but she knows everything about Calming. Donald was livid and screamed, the Secret Service had to restrain him and give him Oxygen.

At the 6th there were bunkers everywhere, Secret Service hiding in them too. Pharmacy Man said “looks tricky” as he put his reading glasses on. Trump skipped around the tee he was so happy, perhaps maybe Pharmacy Man would not hole it in one. So, Trump swung first and landed in a bunker, his ball bouncing off a Secret Service Man’s head. But Trump did not care, he had a feeling the Pharmacy Man would be Human. Just one moment, I have to take this call. It was his grandchild, he had to ask how was Primary School, then after pulling a face on his phone. The Pharmacy Man swung for it, wriggling like a worm as he swung. Of course, another Hole in One. Trump’s face turned all the colours of the Rainbow, that reminds me Gay Pride is coming to Birmingham remarked the Pharmacy Man, the Lord Mayor is Gay, Andy Street, and he’ll be dancing in the street too, maybe you should pay a Visit.

The Secret Service formed a huddle around Trump, like an American Football play. The 7th was a long fairway, with trees at every side, Trump had to decide, should he use a big driver or what, he had plenty of drivers, a failed President always had plenty. So, Trump plumped himself up to his full height and swung, the Secret Service lined up behind to catch him. I should have worn my high heels said the Pharmacy Man, as he swung. It was going to be a Hole in One, but a squirrel grabbed his ball, bit it and dropped it in the Hole. Trump was Triumphant, Like 4th of July, he wanted to kiss the Secret Service, and none are Ladies.

See, no Hole in One. Actually, Under the Rules of Golf, Page 467, paragraph 1B. It is a valid shot. Trump was apoplectic, He demanded somebody look it up. But calmly the Pharmacy Man explained. Chapter and Verse. How can you know it, how can you know it, Trump screamed. I’m a Pharmacy Man explained the Pharmacy Man, How many books do you think I’ve read just to get Qualified? A book on Golf was lying around on at our Honeymoon Hotel years ago. And my Wife suggested I get out in the Fresh Air, all the time spent behind the counter of a Pharmacy would make me a Dull Man. So that’s why I took up Golf in the first place. Something Trivial to take my mind off the serious stuff, PHARMACY.

But as I’m a Gentleman, I’ll take the shot again. Could you do it with your Eyes Closed Shut asked Trump sarcastically. So, Pharmacy Man closed his eyes, and took a shot again. Another Hole in one. My wife has taught me so much, and as she always says Eyes Closed Shut it always better, once you know the lay of the land. You should listen to your Wife, Donald.

8th hole coming up, a dog leg, 2 shots if you were a PGA champion. No way on God’s little green earth would Pharmacy Man get a hole in one. Trump was crying now, his fake tan being washed away, but at least Pharmacy Man would never get a hole in one. Can we walk from tee to the green so I can picture it in my head, asked the Pharmacy Man. So, they walked to the green and back, as Pharmacy man asked his wife what were they having for tea, and to save some for him, he’d have it cold when he finally got home. Putting his phone away, Pharmacy stood well back, as if he was playing cricket, and then he took a run at the ball and swung his club. The ball went high into the sky, like a rocket from Kim in North Korea, a seagull swerved to avoid being hit. The ball came down and rolled along the green and stopped at the lip of the hole, without falling in. Trump got a message from Secret Service stationed there, Trump cried. His makeup in tatters. But then a second later the ball dropped in. The Secret Service had to restrain Trump yet again.

Who in God’s Name are you? I’m just a Pharmacy Man, but I’m a very lucky man, as I have such a great Lady. So long as she can hear my voice she’s happy. Ok, 9th Hole before we start the return 9 holes to the Club House. I’ll give you a million dollars cash, if you just drop a shot, begged Trump. One million dollars, that’s what Elizabeth Taylor said, but really she did not want the part, remarked Pharmacy Man.

As Pharmacy Man walked to the 9th tee, he rung his wife yet again. These free minutes are so good on our mobile plan, you are so clever my darling wife, and the Pharmacy Man blew a kiss down the phone. Trump swung for the Pharmacy Man, and it took all the Secret Service to restrain him. But calmly the Pharmacy Man winked at Trump and hit another hole in one. You know this course is a little boring to me, but it does match you perfectly Mr Trump.

9 holes in one, is that not proof enough for you, you LOST you LOST you LOST. In 2020 Election, what kind of substances are you taking? Maybe you should change your Pharmacist, I could squeeze you on my list, I assume you have a decent doctor already.

The Secret Service carried a Rabid Trump away, so the Pharmacy Man took a free helicopter back, he was home in time for tea after all. Trump could shove his dimpled balls up his backside 3 times a day with water.

p.s Super Tuesday is not a girl….

pps. somebody said I won fancy Marriot pillows in an email, plus a set of clubs

the pillows would be nice, I’d donate the clubs to the real pharmacy man

and what has TRUMP done for USA. these past 4 years

NOTHING just lie and moan about HIMSELF

has he created any jobs?

VOTE accordingly on Nov 5th, Bonfire Night over here in UK

Published by michaelgcasey

I've updated this 18th March 2022 I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me ... use Google UK to find me, otherwise Posh Americans pop up I've done loads of writing, about 2,000,000 Words worth over 34years now But before I started to write, I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio. He'd be nearly 100 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 54 years in love with words, and I still look so dashing. I have a picture in the attic, just like Dorian Gray I've also had an interest in Politics for 54 years with my dad heckling the tv and Politicians. I almost immediately had a hit, a play called Shoplife was accepted but not finally produced by a Theatre. The Kenneth More Theatre, so thank them for sparing you all. This was back in 1989 yes, 30 years plus ago, the play was written in 1988. So since then I'm more than good enough, as a writer. Anything else..... I also ignore those who just cannot write, pick your own candidate I tend to write Comedy as I'd rather make you laugh than cry I have written over 2000 short pieces of writing, yes 2000 " (c) by Michael Casey" If you include "chats" 3700 samples, all told, the chats do NOT go into my books when I compile them. My first book ,a full length comedy/drama is The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker You can read translations of it here on this site Up to 20 different languages/translations have been read on the same day via this site, here on Wordpress look fo Translations Galore page, and more And in over 90 Countries world wide too so you have no excuse, find your own language and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker or Quick Stories or any other of the books in Translation on my Wordpress This proves to me that the humour does travel I have readers in over 100 countries now, just to repeat myself From Nepal to American Samoa and all places North South East and West Or its just a hit man on the run, or whatever Unknown Region Means It may also mean that only non English Speakers like my stuff Coverage but lacking penetration as marketing folks might say I did get 21,000 readers in 3 weeks for the Polish version of In Search of an Indian Princess. which is basically the final 3 chapters of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker all by word of mouth. And 50,000 plus in Christmas week 2021 If you add up all the downloads from my Wordpress + 13,000 when somebody stole the file. I have had more copies than Boris Johnson's Churchill book distributed. Maybe 40,000 copies . Not made a penny from it, free downloads in multiple languages. Reverse Logic, if the world knows me, eventually somebody will pay me But in reality I'll be dead first, and then just 2 pennies to pay the ferryman is enough I've cut the Plaudits, you can read/decide for yourself As for my life, I was born in the shadow of a Brewery, I was a computer operator for a market research company into alcohol sales, 21 years altogether, StatsMR Call centre guy, like everybody once in their life I was also a Trainee Betting Shop Manager I was a concierge and 10 other roles at Crowne Plaza NEC Birmingham for 3 years. Spent 3 years at Pinsent Masons Law firm in Birmingham I even hid a copy of my comic novel "BBU" in the Law Library at Pinsent Masons, well just for a day.. I did a few other jobs too, working life in reverse so to speak and I was an Esol English teacher in an Islamic school, for a year, I knew I could teach. I got Excellent, Excellent and Exemplary on the external assessment, yes really And I asked them to pray for me at least once a day beside which I've had a Shanghai connection for 20 years now, including 2 bilingual daughters and being a hausfrau a long time too, I'm a great dad, as I've had lots of time with my daughters I can always make somebody talk or laugh I believe my short stories could be used to teach English, just package them up correctly or App them Or a Tale a Day from Michael, a story telling App What else, I was brawn and brains, I used to be as strong as an Ox, now I just smell like one We have a cat called Totoro, my daughters wanted a pet I said they could have a dog if I died , or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks after that in Jan 2015 I had an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass , it was supposed to be a triple but it ended up a Quadruple, 33% extra free so to speak. Now with an add on Hernia, the size of your fist, pushing through my bypass scar, it hurts when I laugh, so don't make me laugh I also have arthritis and other hindrances that hobble my body and give me pain galore. But my mind is free, though having read my stories you may wish I didn't bother But I'll ignore you, and carry on regardless. I do get heckled by my own Tinnitus these past 3 years+, so I have music on all night long to drown it out. I sleep with Miley, Taylor, Eric Clapton and Will Young, maybe I should buy a bigger bed, or just get a better mattress. Tinnitus is a curse, just trust me I know, each day I wake up, Tinnitus SCREAMS at me for a full hour till it calms down That's the end of the tidy version of my life To finish here's the list of my 20 books, so far:- 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again 18. 18 New Views 19. The Final Cut of the 19th Hole 20. 2020 Words 21. 21 Door Keys, key to the door 21 on Bingo, hence title, 53,000 words so far I write bullet point stuff mainly now as Tinnitus stops me from getting in the zone to write, story stories. (c) by Michael Casey stuff though my bullet points are better than some "writers" discuss, miaow. That's why I dream of a speed typist, so I could dictate from the sofa https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks Loads of Korean and Arabic translations downloaded from my Wordpress, 1000s of them Quick Stories in Korean is a big hit. Maybe Kim in North Korea should read my books, instead of wasting his countries resources on what? Just keeping one person in power, him? Instead of joining the real world and opening a string on golf courses. That way we could get rid of Trump too. Into the sunset, as they play golf. Tears for a Butcher will be the sequel to BBU, and it too will be 600pages, however I really need a speed typist to put it down, while I sit and dictate like Barbara Cartland, and hopefully my speed typist would be impressed. we'd marry have half Korean kids, and form a Kpop band with our 4 new kids, with me as manager. And yes this is more for my bucket list, as Tinnitus keeps me awake too much, 6 months of not sleeping till dawn is really killing me Michael Casey aka the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/efda2dca0de5b9269191b7c8b0102473?s=400&d=mm View more posts

Tuesday, 14 May 2024

Monday 27 March 2017 Pitch Letter Begging Letter, from my self named site, I've. brought it here to the MAIN site

Monday 27 March 2017

Pitch Letter Begging Letter

By Michael Casey

I didn’t know what to write today, and it was a bit of a pain day with the Arthur my arthritis playing up etc. It must be boring for you all to hear me mention this, I’m hoping if ever I’m rich, never, that’ll I’ll have a mini sauna in my house, or be able to afford the Hilton in Malta. So, and yes I’ve noticed that I use so ever so often, but it’s a nice word, and wasn’t it a Peter Gabriel album? I just checked it was US, not SO. I’m listening to Jean Michel Jarre while I talk to you.

Which brings me to the point, Pitch Letter Begging letter, I wrote one earlier on to a person, if he’s reading this he’s checking up on me already, or one of his Minions, no I didn’t write to a cartoon character, I’m not that silly. The question is how do you write a Pitch Letter or a Begging Letter?

Dear Nicola I really love your short skirt and you really do carry it off so well, all the boys in Parliament must whistle at your legs. Those sexist animals, they should have their bagpipes removed. Would this impress any Nicola you know or would she see through it immediately?

Dear Theresa, I so enjoyed the cream cakes you bought for us to share together, a pity your security team had sat on the box, but a cream cake just has to be eaten, naughty but nice as Salmond Rushdie wrote when he was just a humble copy writer. I hope you enjoyed the haggis we had to follow on. Would any Theresa you know laugh like a seal as an ungracious MP is alleged to have said, if she received such a note?

The thing about words is that they have meaning, and meanings, double and triple meanings and tones and so on and so forth. In a pitch letter you have to show or pretend you know who you are writing to. You have to explain in spread sheet detail just how much money your idea will make for their fat middle aged spread bottom. Though if you are writing about a new gym technique you have to prove what a tight arse you’ll create for them.

It’s getting the balance between fawning and aggression. Give me the money you bastard and I’ll make you even richer than you are, and you can move on to your 7^th wife, the one with the great big assets you want to get your hands on. And so it goes on, what do you say and what don’t you say. Should you be humble, or be like Donald Trump, ok I went too far there. Should you be a salesman or a teacher or a priest?

Would you say or do anything to get that girl or boy in bed with you? Please is the most I could offer. The same goes for business investment, what do you do and what should you do. We’ve all seen The Apprentice, personally I switch off, but the minute bits I have seen make me want to puke, as do the wannabe shows. Though I did laugh today when I read in the Press that one reality show had been cancelled for months but folks were left on a desert island for months, not knowing.

Basically all any one of us can offer is ourselves, just be ourselves, this is me warts and all, this is my offer and this is my personality, what you see is what you get. Which is me down to a T but not golf tee, as Donald will never invite me for a game of golf, though I know a pharmacist who’d give The Donald a really good game of golf.

So you explain your idea and you hope the Angel Investor invests in it, then your daughters might get an inheritance other than your large collection of faded blue Yfronts, which make great rags for polishing your piano once you cut them up. And if you do or I do get my chance and make a bit of money what do you spend it on. A house, and if you are really successful a house each for your two daughters too.

In the end you need the help of God and Two Policemen, that’s what my mother swore by, and our next door neighbour did become a policeman, Sergeant Dixon was his name, the same name as the tv show. And he really did live in Dog Kennel Lane. No I don’t need to make everything up, I just have Total Recall for trivia, and I could forget my own name but its written on the inside of my faded blue Y fronts, Saint Michael.

Wednesday, 15 May 2024

Playing a Round with Donald Trump

Playing a Round with Donald Trump

Published by michaelgcasey

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Tuesday, 14 May 2024

Monday 27 March 2017 Pitch Letter Begging Letter, from my self named site, I've. brought it here to the MAIN site

Michael Casey from Birmingham England

Monday 27 March 2017

Pitch Letter Begging Letter

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THIS IS MY PERSONAL PENTECOST, Michael Casey from Birmingham England

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Wednesday, 15 May 2024

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Tuesday, 14 May 2024

Monday 27 March 2017

Pitch Letter Begging Letter

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