My Horror Wife

My Horror Wife ©

By

Michael Casey

I’m finishing off a bit of work on the computer while my wife watches horror films, horror films and films  in general brought us together. When we met and before her English language skills emerged we used to watch films together, then we’d talk about the film we’d just watched, it was her speed of thought which made me realise she was indeed a clever cookie.

Some marry for looks, others marry for brains or money, me I was lucky I got both, though when I first met her she was wearing her scruffs. It was like something from Beauty and The Beast, I was the beauty and she was the beast, when she threw off her working clothes she did indeed look the beauty, she had been “hiding her pretty”.  Then for the last decade everybody says I married her for her looks, which  we know is rubbish, but convention says otherwise. 

Horror films are in her blood, no she is not some Dracula, or bride of Dracula, she is bride of Panzi, Panzi being my Chinese name, it means Fat Fat Boy. As I talk to you the music from the horror film is rising to a crescendo, there is even a gasp of shock from my wife, she is indeed having fun, so all you need to satisfy your wife is a TV licence. Simple, the best things in life are just like that. Vincent Prince, Christopher Lee and the whole host of horror films on the Sky channels have helped cement our marriage; all you need is blood rat at tat tar, as the Beatles might sing, blood is all you need, blood is all you need.

However the creek on the stairs has just as much power, the menacing music, the shadows, the screams in the night, they too have so much power, a howling in the dark, the sound of the dustbins being knocked over. It’s the fox in our garden again, or the squirrels fighting over their nuts. A scream is coming from our living room, first it’s the tv and then it’s the wife, scream and scream again.  It’s the wife screaming as I’ve just trod on her toe as I pass by on the way to the fridge, writing makes me thirsty, Netto milk is the answer.

So on into the night she waits for her frights, I may creep up behind her and say “BOO” just for fun, so its another normal night for the Chinese Caseys, and yes we really are related to the Adams Family.

Don’t forget to check under the bed before you go to sleep.

English Literature

English Literature

As usual the DT won’t let me comment in the right place.

English Literature back in 74/75  was horrible, because it destroyed the book we were reading, too much over analysis, a line by line interpretation just bores kids. In my year at Grammar school 30 of use did Eng Lit while 60 were spared. No blood was painted over any lintels or anything like that, but Eng Lit then was hard.

I think kids/students should be given a couple of weeks to read the book/plays/whatever first, then once they have read the books then they can begin to study them. Back then nobody read the book first it was a line by line “decoding”, which was/is wrong. We did Henry IV part I, Prince Hal and Falstaff, all good fun, I remember saying in an essay that Hal “was a bit of a lad”, not much different from the current one.

You have to enjoy something first, then you can study it afterwards, its seems the DT crowd forget their own experience of Eng Lit. When you are in love you have a passion, at a funeral you may say/explain why you liked somebody; the colour of your wife’s hair, the way she tilted her head to one side when she didn’t believe you, the scent of a woman. All of these things colour your view. I went to a Shakespeare play 20 years after I finished school and I struggled to understand the language because I’d forgotten it. Shakespeare in Love and modern films bring Shakespeare back to us. If people see a good film then they may take the plunge and go to the theatre, the bitter pill has to be sweetened.No doubt my last sentence will be over analysed and the wrong meaning glued to it, some DT readers do that and I lament it. If a poem is read and it touches the heart then people will want more of the same, there’s some poetry on my site, one of which really touched our local Vicar, but the same thing can be dumped on big time by a DT reader. Why such a divergence? People bring their own baggage to what they read instead of just reading it, then they destroy the meaning, its like pulling out wild flowers and then arranging them badly in a vase.

I went back and reread all of the Don Camillo and after 25years and more the joy in the tale was there for me, I hope we can all agree that there should be joy in what we are reading;  ditto with Eng Lit teaching, we should be bringing joy to the students, if that is lacking then we should find a better teacher.

A life in a bag

A Life in a bag ©

By

Michael Casey

One of our neighbours died the other day, she was an old lady with white hair, the kind of nice old lady you see in the street. She used to have meals on wheels, I could see another nice lady deliver them to her door. I could see the old lady’s children and grandchildren come and visit. But now she is dead.

I’ve grown up with death, so I have no fear of it, its another journey, perhaps even like jumping into a swimming pool, you just have to hold your breath and jump right in. We had an undertakers at the bottom of our road, and as an altar boy I served at over 30 funerals, the Funeral Mass is the one with the best reading, Lazarus and all that. Jesus loved Lazarus so much that he raised him from the dead, Eternity will be like that for all of us. Well apart from the atheists, who just won’t believe it, so they’ll stay in some sort of waiting room, Florida perhaps?

When somebody dies its like a punch in the stomach, your dad cannot be gone, you love him too much, it can’t be true; it is and you pine like some sick dog for hours.

I have never cried for my mother, she told us all no crying, so that’s what I did, I obeyed her.

You have to clear up after the dead, their home, their possessions have to be sorted and even divided. As you go through the house, the flat, the one room bed sit you see their life fall before you. Are they really like that, did they really do this, all kind of everything are revealed. A secret drinker, a collection of spicy videos, or just 6 Bibles all lined up; the dead have no secrets, they are as naked as the day they were born.

I’ve had to clear up, and help clear up several times, we had lodgers you see, so we had to act as family and tidy everything up; sometimes even finding forgotten Wills and then following them to the letter. Sending Home a couple of bodies, people want to rest in their own clay; when my time comes there are 3 local cemeteries where I could end up. Burial is best, I don’t want to be burnt, I’m big the fire brigade would have to be ready.

As I look out the window I can see a life being tidied up, everything is still raw for them, you see this, you touch that, a photo or some treasure brings the memories flooding back. When the tears are over you still have them, I tell my kids our love is in them, mum and me made them, they are part of us, so they’ll never lose us. As the possessions are taken from the house over the road a life ebbs away, the character of the house is changing, I’ve seen all this before, I’ve cleared up, I know how it feels.

A chair or an old radio is taken away, its useful and you’ll remember  gran/dad/mom/your brother when you use the thing, but the thing is full of love because of who it belonged to.

Finally you’ve finished and the house is empty, the house is dead, soon the house will be sold. Soon the life of the owner is gone, the house is empty, but once the new owner and family arrives the house will have a new life, it’s a home again. Then new life is restored, all that remains are a couple of carrier bags found forgotten in a pantry, you give them to the charity shop, at least somebody will get a bargain.

Kodak Printer/Scanner/Copier Review Feb 2011

Kodak Printer/Scanner/Copier Review Feb 2011

First of all Kodak has not paid me to say this. I needed a new printer as ours had died, it was an old Epson which was fine, but all it did was print. We had a separate scanner that scanned, and all it did was scan.

Now if you have small children as we do you just have to print out Winnie the Pooh all the time, not forgetting the occasional fairy or two. So your printer gets used as a toy add on, then after 8 years it just dies. Which I suppose is a long life for a printer.

We are lucky as we have Sky Burial in our street, all you have to do is leave old unwanted stuff  in the street by your entry and then the birds take it away. Though not by pecking as in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, no folks in need come an take unwanted and unloved stuff away. I actually furnished one neighbours house. He had a pine double  bed, a Toshiba Tv, a giant chair that could convert into a lounger/bed and a few other bits and pieces. All of which with a bit of TLC could last a few years more, sounds like a Clint Eastwood film.

Before I buy anything I always do my research on the Internet, then I can see what’s good and what’s rubbish. Having done my research I can then decide if its Currys or Comet or Argos or even from the Internet itself. Then I buy my stuff and George Osborne gets his 20% and then everybody is happy. I scrolled through the Reviews and in the main they were great for the Kodak, and the Gadget Show was full of praise for it too. Then you see some very negative reviews, you waver because you cannot afford to make a bad choice. When I was in hotels we were told a bad experience is magnified by 10, people will tell 10 friends just how rubbish they think you or your product is. If things go well, which they do 95% of the time, then you may get a fourfold increase in compliments for a good/great event. Which is why you have to work so hard to make sure you are hitting the target 99.9% of the time. Bad news travels faster than good news in those ratios.

Now back to the Kodak, it is very noisy as the reviews say. BUT you get two ribbons with it inside the box, which cost £18 to buy separately.  So for your £70 you get cartridges as well as the printer, its not just a printer but also a scanner and a copier. I should stop using the ribbon word it shows my age, printers used to have ribbons which were like scrolls, but I’m harking back to 1978 when I was still a teenager.  As for the Kodak you do not get a USB cable, that is disappointing and Kodak should include one as well as the two cartridges. In one of my local shops I saw cheap ones for between 2 and  4 quid, I bought one and it cost £12, if I knew beforehand I’d have  taken a chance on a cheap cable. The best I’ve left till last, you really can print 400 pages on one black cartridge, 400 pages for 7quid, now that is a bargain and that’s with the ribbon included with the Kodak.

All in all I would say buy the Kodak all in one printer/copier/scanner there’s also some facility to focus on a face in the middle of text when you are scanning. I still need to work out how to use that facility. So visit your local Argos and get a Kodak, there is one thing I do need remind you about, you have to feed the paper in correctly its fussy on that matter. Marks out of ten 9/10

michaelgcasey.multiply.com 

www.googleartproject.com

www.googleartproject.com

I just read the pieces in the DT about http://www.googleartproject.com I had a look and I was amazed. My mother gave me a print on cardboard when I was 10 or so, this got me interested in “art”, I still have that print on my wall, though it is now not the only art on my walls.

Google’s art project is a wonderful idea and the quality of the paintings I’ve seen so far is great, they should mention it to schools, it could open a few minds, being dragged around a gallery is a pain for kids. But a few lessons using hi tech to show kids what painting is all about now that is fabulous, and I never exaggerate for effect.  Andrew Graham-Dixon   has opened my mind now lets hope Google can open a few more minds.

photo is my daughter and her best friend, a princess.

An Early Valentine Poem for all you old romantics out there

              You're Never Alone When You Are in Love ©

                               By

      

                         Michael Casey

       Love is being together , Love is a smile , a Look , A Touch

       Or Just A Sigh , Not really knowing why you chose one another .

       Yet Together Till You Die

       

       Love is a Kiss soft and gentle on the cheek which warms your 

       heart and makes you glad you chose one another .

       A Kiss can lead to more but I'll leave Passion locked Safely 

       behind a bedroom door

       Passion spent you'll not give up each not even for Lent .

       You'll just lie in warm embrace and remember you forgot to say

       grace .

       Whispers and Promises are made , plans for the future and if

 

      she put her hair this way , Do you think it would suit her ?

      Then giggles and more embraces ,  Till the Night is over and with  

      a dig in the ribs you make him move over .

      Then your oneness complete , you have to put up with his cold feet !

      But when you are apart your hearts are still one , 

     Thought half is  absent you are still one .

      His socks under the bed , and after what you said .

      His  "toys" scattered about ,  and the clout you'll  give  when  he 

      returns and the warmth of your body he yearns .

      His cold feet to chill you after he thrills you , are absent yet the 

      thought makes you smile , at least you have the comfort for  a while.

      His grins and leers ,  which makes you smile at least  you'll  have 

 

      peace for a while .

      But his heart is still with you , the love is always there - as 

      bright as your fair hair .

      Close your eyes and he is still there ,  Remember the embrace as  

      he played his fingers across your face .

      Let your dreams go and remember the whispers in your ear, warm

      kisses on your shoulder before he gets bolder . The warmth of love

      that soars through your blood .

      Dream long , Dream deep , your Man toils while you sleep, though 

      you are apart you are still together whatever the weather , for you

      are never apart for he is  locked in your heart .

      Though sometimes he can be trying , there's Never any need of 

   

      crying for your love is Undying.

      Always remember he fills your heart even when you are apart

                        End

A New Beginning Or Going Around in Circles

A friend revealed he had an angina attack, made me  wonder about my own mortality. I've been putting off writing Tears For A Butcher for a number of years. I didn't want to start something and then not finish it if I got sidetracked. Or why add to my collection of writing if finding a publisher was so difficult.

I have produced 3 books, 2 being collections of pieces:-

 Essays and Plays

 plus 

MichaelGCasey'sBlogs2011

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker being my comic novel 

So why Have I decided to resume Tears For A Butcher? Well these past 18 months I've done loads of blogging, enough for a book. So I just wondered could I get back in the groove as far as novel writing was concerned. SO chapter one of Tears For A Butcher was written years ago, and I've got ideas for several chapters and the big finale. So indirectly because of my friend I'm going  to see where the ideas take me. Chapter2 is called Old People's Home, I do know a fair bit about Old People's Homes having visited my dad every single day for 3 years and then very often for 2,5 more years. I also wrote a play called Revolution set in an old people's home,  I did not actually finish that play, but the ideas won't be wasted. Last night I did a bit of thinking and the first page was nailed. Today I've done some more thinking and so the chapter is nearly fully formed in my imagination.  I do write comedy so I have to have a left of field view on things. Once I have the idea the writing is very fast. But I'll not be forcing myself, just enjoying it, as I do with my blogs.